Before I came out to Guadeloupe I thought I knew what love felt like, but that pales in comparison to how I feel about this adorable (most of the time) little boy.
I love all of the family, without a doubt, they're amazing and have become close friends (Estelle mainly, Harold and I just like to annoy each other!), especially Camille and Maxime. Max is always on the go, has to be right and is incredibly cheeky. Camille is docile and compassionate, always putting others before himself.
But with Ed it is different. I spend most of my days with him, and I've seen him grow up so much. Estelle jokes when we have a problem with him that we are trying to resolve that she doesn't know what to do, Camille and Maxime were her babies, but Ed's mine. She also jokes that the bond Ed and I have is closer than hers and Ed's. These are jokes, as I only even vaguely know what I'm doing with Ed because of Estelle and she's his Mummy, nothing beats that bond.
However, I have never felt anything like the way my heart swells when he comes for a snuggle, tells me he loves me or wants to show me something he's excited about. I honestly can't imagine that it would be possible to love a baby that's biologically yours anymore.
There are so many things he does that I love, but these are a few, for me to remember, and for him when he's a big boy and doesn't even remember the time we spent together.
His first three English words were peek-a-boo, thank you, and my name, Josie (da-ceee).
How much he loves to snuggle on my chest. His favourite place. Even when he isn't tired he comes for a snuggle, pops his thumb in his mouth and we just have special cuddle time.
When he runs. It's the cutest little doddery run. When we are on walks he will all of a sudden just break into a run and go crazy.
How he comes into my room early in the mornings. Fairly often I wake up to the 'donk' of my door handle and my name coming from the other side, before he comes in asks for 'up plese' and then wriggles in for morning snuggles.
When he goes for his nap, after we turn on the AC together and close the windows and doors, he climbs into bed, I give him a kiss and say good night, and he responds with "nu-night. I luuf yoo.".
After he wakes up he always comes to find me to have a cuddle before he is properly awake.
How much of a little boy he is. And the gross things he does, like licking my face if I pretend to ignore him.
The happiness that radiates off him when he sees the people he loves.
His cheeky nature. The way he plays games while he's eating, such as pretending to sleep or saying he needs a "pee-pee" if he hasn't got enough attention.
How amazing at swimming he is. HIs face is pure joy as soon as he realises I have his swimming stuff or say "pool time". Once in the water he is just at home and is already swimming short amounts on his own, breathing properly and playing breathing games, at not even 24 months!
The way he can't say 'one' so it is now just "tooo, tweee, dumpp!" (one, two, three, jump!)
His love for his crocs. No other shoes come close.
How he can't be wrong, he gets so frustrated if he is unable to do something at the first attempt.
How affectionate he is with people and his toys. Everything gets kissed so much! (Although we are discovering we also like to hit, but let's stick with the kisses for the sake of this post!)
His wonderfully learned habit of saying "mmm" after every mouthful, even when it's food he doesn't particularly like!
The amount he loves his big brothers (especially Camille).
That since I have been here his blanket has become Sniffy, like mine. Given the choice, he will choose mine over his.
How he can't say Sniffy, it comes out "Puffan".
How he recognises when he's done something right/well because he will ask for a high five.
When he is being told off or to stop doing something he shouldn't be doing he instantly comes to give me a kiss as if to say "Oh look, I'm kissing you, let's forget that I was bad.". It works, because how can I turn down a kiss from him?!
When he sneakily finds the biscuit box, on his own and will try to help himself until he spots me and says "bisut plesee" (even if on one occasion he had his mouth full of biscuit at the time!)
That he says please and thank you so well, in the correct context.
How he has always loved planes and as soon as he hears one he has to stop what he's doing, point to the sky and say "plen, plen, plen!!!!".
How he loves to have his hands and clothes sucked by the hoover.
That everything becomes a game.
How he will tire himself out by running circuits around the house, through all of the open doors and shutters. (Roaring the whole time to let you know where he is.).
That he wants to be the one to put products in the trolley and will get upset if he sees me do it without offering it to him first.
His big brown eyes.
The way his mouth keeps sucking when he's sleeping, even after his thumb has fallen out.
